http://www.huffingtonpost.com/honest-toddler/how-to-put-a-toddler-to-bed-in-100-easy-steps_b_4968226.html
媽媽無意間逛到的~覺得很好笑，所以翻譯的一番~
How to Put a Toddler to Bed in 100 Easy Steps
1. Announce that it's time to go to bed.
首先，宣布睡覺時間到了。
2. Wait for your toddler to stop crying.
接著等小孩哭完。
3. Explain that bedtime is not a punishment.
然後跟他解釋睡覺不是懲罰。
4. Explain that bedtime is not a new concept.
說明自古以來睡覺時間到了就是要睡覺。
5. Explain that, yes, bedtime will happen every night.
再次強調，沒錯，每天都要睡覺。
6. Console your toddler.
安慰他。
7. Announce that it's still bedtime.
再次說明現在是睡覺時間。
8. Let your toddler know that we don't call names in this house.
讓他知道不可以罵人。
9. Tell your toddler it's time to go upstairs.
跟他說該上樓了。
10. Watch your toddler move at a snail's pace.
看著他爬得跟蝸牛一樣慢。
11. Wait for your toddler to stop crying.
等他哭完。
12. Pick up your toddler.
安慰他。
13. Walk your toddler upstairs.
陪他走上樓。
14. Pick out the wrong pair of pajamas for your toddler.
拿一套睡衣給他。他不要。
15. Pick out another wrong pair of pajamas for your toddler.
換一套睡衣給他。他還是不要。
16. Explain that the right pair of pajamas are in the wash.
跟他說他想穿的那套睡衣在那堆髒衣服裡。
17. Explain that you will not be doing a load of laundry this evening.
跟他說你今晚不會洗那堆衣服。
18. Console your toddler while he/she cries.
他邊哭你邊安慰他。
19 Explain that in this house we don't call names.
讓他知道不能罵人。
20. Watch your toddler struggle to get into his/her pajamas.
觀賞他不情不願地穿上睡衣。
21. Ask your toddler if you can help.
問他是否能讓你幫忙。
22. Continue watching your toddler struggle.
繼續看著他不甘不願。
23. Watch your toddler try to wear a pair of pants like a shirt.
看著他把衣服穿得亂七八糟。
24. Console your toddler.
惜惜他。
25. Put the wrong pair of pajamas on your toddler.
幫他穿好他不想穿的這套睡衣。
26. Announce that it's time to brush teeth.
跟他說該去刷牙了。
27. Explain the benefits of dental hygiene.
說明牙齒整潔的重要性。
28. Console your toddler.
惜惜他。
29. Carry your toddler into the bathroom.
帶他到廁所。
30. Put a microscopic amount of toothpaste (poison) onto the toddler toothbrush.
擠出微量的「毒」牙膏到他的小牙刷上。
31. Wet toothbrush.
沾濕牙刷。
32. When your toddler opens his/her mouth 1/45th of an inch wide, attempt to clean teeth.
試著從他嘴巴露出的0.1公分縫隙中刷到他的牙齒。
33. Your toddler will attempt to spit in the sink, but will actually spit on the counter. Clean it up.
他會試著將水吐到水槽，但最後還是會落在檯面上。清乾淨吧。
34. Console your toddler.
惜惜他。
35. Ask your toddler to pick out two books.
讓他選兩本書。
36. Toddler will pick out the two longest books in your home.
他會挑兩本最厚的。
37. Read the first line of every third page of the two books.
每兩三頁念個一句。
38. Field unrelated questions and interruptions.
回應他那不相關的問題、他的插嘴。
39. Tell toddler it's time for a good night kiss.
跟他說該親吻道晚安了。
40. Toddler will be suddenly and urgently thirsty, give toddler a small drink of water.
他會突然變得非常渴。給他一點點水。
41. Toddler will ask a question. Answer question.
他會問問題。回應他的問題。
42. Say "good night" and kiss toddler.
親親他，說晚安。
43. Toddler will ask for a hug. Hug toddler.
他會要抱抱。抱抱他。
44. Toddler will take up a sudden interest in potty training and ask to use the bathroom. It's poop.
他會突然想要練習如廁。他要便便。
45. Help toddler in the bathroom. Notice that there is no poop.
幫助他使用馬桶。注意，是不會有便便的。
46. Toddler may become afraid. Assure toddler that there is nothing to be afraid of.
他會開始害怕。跟他保證沒甚麼好怕的。
47. Toddler will ask a question about life. Answer question.
他會問個跟生命有關的問題。回答吧。
48. Toddler will need another hug and kiss. Give hug and kiss.
他會再要求抱抱和親親。親親他抱抱他吧。
49. Toddler needs to urinate. Help toddler in the bathroom. Notice that toddler actually urinates.
他要尿尿。協助他。他真的有尿。
50. Toddler requires a sticker for urinating successfully.
他會要求一張貼紙因為他成功地尿在馬桶裡。
51. Put a sticker on toddler's potty chart.
在他的如廁獎勵表上貼上貼紙。
52. Toddler may want to tell you a brief 10-minute story. Listen to story while backing out of the room.
他可能想跟你分享個10分鐘的故事。邊聽邊往門口撤退。
53. Turn off the light.
關燈。
54. Toddler remembers that he/she needs a special stuffed animal.
他想起他要某個玩偶。
55. Ask where the stuffed animal is.
問他娃娃在哪裡。
56. Toddler tells you it's in the car. Find your keys and look in the car. It's not there.
他說在車上。拿鑰匙到車上去找。並不在那。
57. Look in the living room.
到客廳找找。
58. Look in the kitchen.
到廚房找找。
59. Look in the backyard.
到院子找找。
60. Scout the neighbor's property.
到鄰居的產權上偵查看看。
61. Find the toy in your toddler's room, under the bed.
最後在他的房間、他的床下找到。
62. Ask toddler if he/she knew the toy was under their bed.
問他是不是早就知道娃娃在那兒。
63. Toddler will ask for dinner. Explain to toddler that dinner ended hours ago.
他會說要吃晚餐。說明那已經發生在數小時前。
64. Toddler will cry that he/she is hungry. Explain to toddler that he/she should have eaten said dinner.
他會哭喊著肚子餓。跟他解釋他已經吃過那所說的晚餐。
65. Explain that we do not call people in this house names.
跟他說明不可以罵人。
66. Toddler will ask for hug and kiss. Hug and kiss toddler.
他會再要求抱抱和親親。就親親他抱抱他。
67. Toddler will ask you to help arrange his/her pillows and blankets. Arrange pillows and blankets.
他會要你幫忙弄好枕頭跟棉被。幫他弄好枕頭跟棉被吧。
68. Toddler will ask you three essay questions. Answer them.
他會再問你三個申論題。回答這些問題。
69. Toddler will notice that the tag end of the blanket is next to his/her face and will kick it off. Fix blanket, this time with care and precision.
他會發現棉被上的標籤正對著他的臉，他會踢掉棉被。小心並精確地幫他調整好棉被。
70. Toddler will ask for the hall light on. Turn on the hall light.
他要求打開走道的燈。打開燈吧。
71. Toddler will ask for another story. Explain that there will be no more stories.
他說還要再聽一個故事。說明沒有故事了。
72. Toddler will ask what the plan for tomorrow is. Resist the urge to say, "I won't be here. I'm running away tonight."
他會詢問明日的計畫。吞下快要破口而出的話（「明天我已經不在這裡了。我要連夜逃走。」）
73. Tell toddler "good night."
道晚安。
74. Toddler will say his/her back, legs or butt is itchy.
他會說背部癢或者是大腿癢、屁股癢。
75. At your discretion, try to relieve itchiness through lotion or wipes.
慎重地用乳液或紙巾擦拭，減緩他的不適。
76. Put toddler back in bed.
讓他回到床上。
77. Arrange blanket in the proper formation.
正確地成列棉被。
78. Say good night.
道晚安。
79. Toddler will say "good night."
他也開口道晚安。
80. As you reach the door, toddler will inform you that he/she is not wearing socks.
當你抵達門口，他會說他沒穿襪子。
81. Choose the wrong pair of socks for your toddler.
找到一雙他不要。
82. Choose another wrong pair of socks for your toddler.
再換一雙他也不要。
83. Choose the right pair of socks for your toddler.
找出他要的那雙。
84. Put the right pair of socks the wrong way on your toddler's feet.
這樣穿不對。
85. Put the right pair of socks the wrong way on your toddler's feet.
那樣穿不對。
86. Get the right pair of socks the right way on your toddler's feet.
終於穿上襪子。
87. Use your last thread of energy to stand.
用你最後一絲的氣力站起來。
88. Say "good night."
道晚安。
89. Toddler will say "good night."
他也開口道晚安。
90. As you leave the room, toddler will ask for a sip of water with pathetic sad look on face.
當你離開房間之際，他會可憐兮兮地要求再喝一口水。
91. Give toddler sip of water and beg to be released from this Hades.
給他水喝，求他讓你離開這地獄。
92. Toddler will ask for a back rub/tapping.
他會要求按摩或拍拍背背。
93. Tap toddler's back until you lose feeling in your arm and your toddler seems tired.
拍到你的手失去知覺而他看起來也累了。
94. Slowly stop tapping. Stand up. Try to float out of the room.
慢慢停下來。起身。試著飄出房間。
95. Toddler will look at you. Say, "it's time to go to bed."
他會看著你說：該去睡覺了。
96. If toddler cries, pretend to be serious this time.
如果他此時哭了，這一次要裝嚴肅。
97. Say "good night."
說晚安。
98. Act like you're walking downstairs but just linger by the door, out of sight.
假裝要下樓，但不要讓他看見你其實是在門邊徘徊。
99. Pray.
祈禱。
100. Walk downstairs.
下樓。
You may now relax for 2-5 minutes before you're called back in. Congrats!
恭喜你！在你再度被召喚之前，你可以喘息個2~5分鐘。
哈哈哈，何不直接打昏，一招搞定.....
但是不得不承認，小孩睡前毛病真的有夠多
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