14個月大的英雄果真發展了這個時期該有的"問題"行為~

一不開心就猛拉哥哥的頭髮。

來看看育兒網站怎麼說嚕~~

Hair-pulling

by Beth Haiken 
Reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board

Why it happens

Yanking on hair, like kicking, biting, pinching, and hitting, is one of the ways toddlers express themselves and try to exert control over their immediate environment. Mark W. Roberts, professor of clinical psychology at Idaho State University, says there are three main reasons for this behavior. For young toddlers (12 to 18 months), the most likely explanation is the simplest one: They've discovered how to get a reaction, and they want to get it again. "It's like turning on a light switch, or hitting one of those toys where something pops up," Roberts says. "They pull, big brother squeals. This is fun." Another reason toddlers pull hair, Roberts says, is "to make bad things go away. Someone's crawling over them or taking their toys; they reach out and pull hair, and the bad thing stops." Finally, Roberts says, older toddlers (2 to 3) are developing the cognitive skills to reason things out, and may pull hair to try to control the direction of a situation. Roberts gives this example: Your toddler's older brother takes the last cookie, so she pulls his hair to make him squeal. "This has possibilities on two levels," Roberts says. "First, you might step in and make her big brother share the cookie. More important is the likelihood that big brother will think twice before taking the last cookie next time around."

拉頭髮

發生的原因--

拉扯頭髮就跟踢、咬、掐、打人一樣，都是寶寶表達情緒或試圖控制局勢的方法。臨床心理學教授Mark W. Roberts認為主要有三種原因會引發這類的行為。最簡單的解釋是他們發現了引起反應的方法。＂這就像是打開電源開關就會亮燈或是敲打玩具就有東西會彈出來。＂＂他們覺得拉哥哥的頭髮讓哥哥大叫，是件有趣的事。＂ Roberts教授認為第二個原因是要＂趕走不好的事＂。＂當有人爬近或拿他們的玩具，寶寶伸手拉頭髮後，這些他們不喜歡的壞事就會停止。＂ 第三個原因是針對2到3歲的寶寶，這個時期的寶寶正在發展認知技能、試圖理解並解決問題。他們會拉頭髮來扭轉情勢。Roberts教授舉例說明＂當哥哥拿了最後一塊餅乾時，寶寶會拉哥哥的頭髮讓她痛得大叫，而這麼做有兩個原因--1. 爸媽會介入而讓哥哥分出一半的餅乾；而更重要的是2. 如此一來下次哥哥伸手去拿最後一塊餅乾的時候，哥哥多半會三思而後行。＂

What to do

Demonstrate futility. One of the keys to suppressing your toddler's inappropriate behavior is demonstrating convincingly that it doesn't work. If you ignore your toddler's hair pulling, it will "work" (in that whoever's hair is pulled will most likely do what your toddler wants), and it will get worse as your toddler learns over time that pulling hair gets her what she wants. If you try to read too much into the situation ("Hannah must have pulled Ellie's hair because Ellie was being mean. I'll distract Hannah by reading her a story ...") you may play right into her hands. Your child doesn't grasp the complexity of the social interaction; what she learns is that if she pulls hair, you take pity on her and she gets to sit in your lap. Instead, demonstrate the futility of pulling hair by "turning back the clock": If your toddler pulled her sister's hair to capture a toy, hand the toy back to her sister as you explain to your toddler, "We don't pull hair." For this to work, though, you've got to act fast: Toddlers are creatures of the moment.

Suppress the behavior. There's no good evidence that time-outs work for children younger than 2, so with a young toddler your best bet is probably a consistent admonishment: Gently grasp your toddler's hand and hold it while you say something like, "No, no; we don't pull hair, pulling hair hurts." If your child's 2 or more, let her know that pulling hair is not an acceptable response by immediately imposing what Roberts calls a "chair time-out." Stay with her but don't speak to her or engage her during her time-out, which should last about a minute. If your tot won't stay in her chair, try a regular time-out.

Talk it out. When the time-out's done, talk the situation through with your child. It's important to do this even if your toddler doesn't have many verbal skills yet because this shows her that talking (not hair pulling) is the way to solve problems. Ask your child, "What did you do that was wrong?" and follow that with "Why was it wrong?" Don't worry, Roberts says, if she comes back with "Because I had to go to time-out," or some variation thereof. "This is developmentally normal — and you can follow it up by saying, 'Yes, you'll go to time-out if you pull hair but there's something else we need to think about. It's important not to pull hair because you might hurt someone.'"

While it's important to go through this process, don't expect too much. Toddlers have to learn the hard way — by doing something over and over and learning that it always gets them into trouble. Your job is to be consistent and not get frustrated by having to repeat the same admonitions day in and day out.

As your toddler becomes more verbal, you can help model problem solving by talking through alternatives to hair pulling. Ask your child, "What could you do next time your brother bosses you around instead of pulling his hair?" Help your toddler practice saying no to her brother, or articulating something a bit more complex ("I want to play now") if she can.

Don't pull back. Don't decide to pull your toddler's hair to "teach her how it feels"; this old-fashioned strategy will backfire because it models the very behavior you're trying to stop. Your toddler pulls hair because she's trying to change something — to stop her brother from taking her toys, for example. If you do the same thing — pull her hair to stop her from pulling hair — you're teaching her that hair pulling is the way to change someone's behavior. The idea that experiencing pain will teach her not to cause pain is similarly misguided, basically because toddlers don't yet have the empathetic skills to make such a connection.

如何回應--

要不受影響。
要嚴正地讓寶寶知道這樣子的行為是沒有效果的，表現出你不受影響是消除寶寶錯誤行為的方法之一。如果你選擇忽略寶寶拉頭髮的行為，對他們來說，目的就達成了(因為被拉頭髮的人就會投降)，久而久之，寶寶會發現拉扯別人的頭髮會讓他心想事成。如果你過度揣測局勢你可能就落入寶寶的圈套。 (例如：漢娜拉艾莉的頭髮一定是因為艾莉欺負漢娜。我來唸個故事書給漢娜聽來轉開她的注意力...) 寶寶還無法領悟太複雜的互動方式；從事件中她只會學到當她拉別人的頭髮你就會同情她，然後你就會抱著她。最好的方法是反其道而行。如果寶寶拉姊姊的頭髮來搶玩具，就反過來將玩具拿給姊姊，然後一邊跟寶寶說不可以拉頭髮。不過要成功也得要動作快，要讓寶寶理解就必須當下立即處理。

要制止錯誤行為。
沒有證據顯示讓兩歲以下的幼兒到一旁反省會有用。所以對年幼的寶寶來說，最佳方式可能還是不斷地嚴詞禁止：你可以輕輕地握住寶寶的手說＂No、no。不能抓頭髮，這樣會痛＂。如果是大於兩歲的幼兒，可以採用＂懲罰椅／反省椅／反省角落＂的方式，讓她暫時離開現場。反省時間大約一分鐘，這段時間內可以待在她的身邊但是不要跟她說話。如果她沒辦法乖乖坐在椅子上的話，也可以讓她單純就待在一旁。

要說明。
在抽離的反省時間過後，要跟孩子說明剛剛的經過。這點很重要，因為就算寶寶還無法充分表達，這樣的處置會她知道用說的才是解決問題的方式。問問她＂妳做錯了什麼?＂＂為什麼這樣做是錯的?＂Roberts教授表示＂如果她回答是因為會被處罰也沒關係，這是很正常的。＂你可以接下去說＂沒錯，如果妳抓人家的頭髮會要去角落反省。但除此之外，更重要的原因是妳會讓別人受傷。＂

這是個很重要的程序，但也不要期待過高。寶寶需要反覆地錯中學--他們會不停地做同一個行為直到他們了解這個行為總是會帶給他們麻煩。你的態度必須一貫，而且對於日復一日重複說教也不能感到不耐煩。

當寶寶詞彙發展更好時，你可以教導她更多解決問題的方式。問她＂下次哥哥又來找麻煩的時候，除了抓他頭髮，妳會怎麼做呢?＂幫助寶寶練習跟哥哥說不，或是教她更進階的表達方式，例如＂不要吵我，我有自己的事要做。＂

不要以暴制暴。
不要拉寶寶的頭髮來教她＂你看，這樣會痛吧＂；這種老式的處理方式反而會適得其反，因為你正在做你想要禁止的行為。寶寶拉頭髮是想要扭轉情勢--例如是要阻止哥哥拿她的玩具。如果你也一樣用拉頭髮來阻止她拉頭髮，恰恰就是在教她用拉頭髮來改變別人的行為。讓寶寶感受疼痛進而知道不要造成他人的疼痛是行不通的辦法，因為寶寶年紀還小，無法產生移情作用來理解兩者的關聯。


http://www.babycenter.com/0_hair-pulling_11553.bc?scid=mbtw_post14m_3w&pe=MlVDcXl1OHwyMDEyMDUyNA..